My Journey In Finding True Love
As I write this I am still uncertain that i am able to go through with this but the thought of being able to share this for the glory of the God makes me believe that i am equipped as its said in Hebrews 13:21.
I have never really been a good writer growing up but my prayer is as you read this that you may be able to find hope and strength in a world full of beauty in chaos.
I was born out of wedlock years back when my grandmother took up the responsibility to raise me.My grandma a christian woman strongly grounded in the word of God ensured to raise me the same way.The values that she instilled in me helped me to grow up with respect for my elders and society and live in obedience to the teachings of Christ that i learnt in church every Sunday.
I can still remember the days i anticipated Sunday school as we got to learn and sing with other children.I must admit I think that is where I discovered my love for music.As i grew up i embraced the God that had been handed over to me as i knew nothing else.
Fast forward to when i grew older and my relatives suggested that it was wiser to move to the city for my education and that is where my journey into reality began.
I lived with my guardians and as seasons changed i moved to a new home with a new guardian.
As a young child,this made me focus a lot on being the perfect child to those that raised me scared to make mistakes that would inconveniencing those that raised me.Despite how i came to existence which i believe was God’s ideal plan.I had everything that i needed and probably more.But deep inside i was tired and frustrated.
I missed having a mum that i could talk to always and tell my little secrets and a dad that reminded me that i was special.I felt much more like baggage to those around me.I got opportunities to see my mum but it didn’t feel enough or rather like what i imagined and saw in other families.
As i got to high school I started out well getting good grades,disciplined and all that was expected out of a decent child.At this point my emotions had piled up and as adolescent i gave up the perfect child life.I became rebellious and did things to fit in with the cool kids in school and society and everything spiraled out of control.
I was fortunate enough to go to the university and God blessed me with a job soon after my diploma in a multinational.I was glad that i finally got my independence and that point began to get a grip on what i wanted therefore managed to take myself through university.
I became a lukewarm christian as most would say ,just going to church whenever it felt convenient and participated in church activities but it had no impact on the life i lived.This wore me out,I was tired of living,empty,lonely despite the many friends and felt broken inside.
I looked for assurance and completeness in relationships and put so much expectation in people for things i learnt they were not able to satisfy me with and if anyone reading knows,this leaves you disappointed and wounded.
Deep within i believed that life had to be more than a degree,good job,a lot of acquaintances,a husband as society makes it seem.
God had better plans on the other hand,end of September 2014.He laid out a plan and stirred up the desire in me to move to Dubai and made provision for what i needed.At that point everything i thought meant a lot to me was stripped away:friends disappeared,money became scarce and now God had my attention.In pursuit of fulfillment i had 6 months jobless after resigning my Job in Kenya.But trust in God’s timing i got a job early 2015 in a small start up company with an amazing boss it wasn’t the ideal considering what people imagine when coming to the UAE salary wise but that time i was willing to receive anything as i knew that would be a stepping stone for me in this land of dreams.
The salary was enough to get by as i had a cousin that generously hosted me and took care of most of the expenses which i am forever grateful. Unfortunately no sooner had i gotten my job than she lost hers following the downsizing of their company and she had to go back to Kenya and here i was once again with increased expenses barely managing but i believed that soon enough something’s got to give.I moved to a new apartment near my work place and little did i know that this would be my connection with an amazing lady that would be the inspiration to a beautiful life never imagined.
God introduced us to each other as we shared common nationality an therefore gelled easy and built an amazing friendship.There was something different about this lady thou she showed me a kind of love i had not experienced especially from someone that new i had nothing and expected absolutely nothing from me regardless.She said little about her faith but her lifestyle inspired me.
God stirred up the desire to have her kind of peace and love.So when as we got to spend more time she invited me to visit the church she fellowshipped and i took up the offer and i have never stopped since.I asked God that if He is the same God i neglected years back that my friend served, then i wanted to experience Him once more and this time i was ready to give Him my all.
I claimed (Matthew 6:33) That i would “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and everything else shall be added unto me.”Making a declaration that God may use every area of my life for the glory of Kingdom through Christ Jesus.
I can tell you truly my life has never been the same,with the desire within to experience God more i went deeper into reading the word of God and it really transformed how i lived my life.I received peace that i could not explain,God strengthened my faith in that season and taught to fully rely on Him for anything this gave a sense of completeness.
I experienced more of his love as i went deeper in His word,and understood that He loved me with all my imperfections which allowed me to love others the same way.My relationship with my mother grew stronger thou not perfect and now i love her more each day and experience better relations with my family.
I am free from my past and it has nothing to do with what God has planned for me through the blood that Christ Shed on the cross for me.I am whole and now focusing on being a better individual as i grow in service for God.I trust fully that everything happens for the good of those who love Him according to his purpose[To be transformed to Christ’s Likeness] Romans 8:28-30.
Am i worried about the future?No am not because God has promised to be with me till the end of time as i share the gospel with many others with love.
I don’t know what your situation is and i will not say i know how you feel, but one thing that i do know is you can have this too.
Just ask Him.
With Loads of Love,